I wrote this forever ago and it no longer applies. So don't flip out. Just thought I'd update the page for once.
~In the Stars~ I'll hold your hand
'cause I know that it's hard. Look up, my dear at the sky; for it's starred. Let your eyes rest upon the gleams of light. Those, aside the moon that cover the night. Let your smile join them as it's bright enough. Please don't dim it when life gets tough. I'll be the place where the stars may fall. So if you want to just give me a call. If you burn up on your journey to Earth. The voyage so far was what it's worth. You're so beautiful you're out of this world. With all of your friends scattered and swirled. When you are gone your light still remains. Unless covered by clouds on the event that it rains. The floor of Heaven that's what they say. Forever above us but so far away. Everyday you get closer and closer to me. Until I'm swallowed by your beauty. So be thankful you are what you are today. Because in the stars it all goes away. ~Unpredictable~ Why is everything so hard
it's tearing me apart. Now the slightest word that's said can break my fragile heart. I've bruised myself far from return I've never been enough. The world is pulling me under and it's getting really tough. Self-harming's never right but what about that bruise? If I tell anyone about it well, I have a lot to lose. Memories came rushing back like a whisper in the wind. No one can tell how cold it is until it hits their skin. I've been judged so many times it's hard to even think what helped me to come this far to the insanity brink. No one tries to understand they just throw in some quotes. I want a genuine response not inspiration notes. You blame me when I ask for help it makes me feel much worse. If I didn't feel sorry before now in my heart's a curse. I mess up in too many ways losing her was one. I wish I could go back in time to undo what's been done. I see my eyes swollen and red what am I crying about? I was happy just a minute ago... now happiness is out. She's the one who helps me most though one other really tries. I'm sorry for ignoring you and telling you those lies. I'm on my knees down on the floor I really need some help. Or the sadness disappearing will soon be skin-deep felt. You never know what I'm thinking and I love that you don't. That you've never felt like this that's what I'll always hope. I'm not too interested in myself as long as you are fine. Even though your fear and remorse is never worse than mine. I hear voices in my head of those from long ago. Telling me I'm stupid... well, you will never know. It comes to my mind all the time and you just block it out. Ignorance is something that makes me want to shout. You know I have a lot in life but feelings are the same. I can be hurt, I can cry and I can still be blamed. I try to be the sweetest just to know I am. Even though when I mess up there's a door I want to slam. I'm sorry for what I've done to you it wasn't ever fair. I'm going through a lot you see... I'm broken beyond repair. I haven't slept within a week my heart is beating slow. Sometimes all this pain inside doesn't seem to go. Happiness is faker than a plastic mannequin. I pull on the ropes oh so hard but never really win. The anger expressed hurts a few and that's what's killing me. That I have hurt so many people with my insecurities. We learn to laugh but not so much because it hurts us too. It's hard to smile all the time when the breath's knocked out of you. There's people in this world who lie to compliment. It makes you analyze, recognize everyone that's went. There's pictures from a previous life that I don't want to know. They're taunting me from time to time but I don't like to show. I've heard 'I love you' way too much now I'm scared of it. I hear it everywhere I turn I wan't it to quit. The nervousness is overwhelming I want to know what's real. Do you think I'm crazy? What do you really feel? I'm scared of what you think of me because it's negative. These thoughts within my mind make it a little harder to live. I wanna know that I am good no, I want to be great. However, that won't happen this feeling I can't escape. Every word's a memory that I want to erase. Why even dream of anything that I can't even chase. So I'll just sit here in my pain and live in constant fear. I'll never get into a car that I can't simply steer. So hold me tight when I'm fine so I know when that is. Once I get into the thoughts life's a confusing quiz. I wanna know why life likes to push and to pull. Why the world is life so... Unpredictable. ~ Still ~Cry into your pillow
like you often used to do. Lay down all the worry on the ones who love you. Write away your pains like they're your last chance. Don't give in to anger it's time to take a stance. Listen to a sad song that makes you cry at night. It's time for you to do it... push your problems out of sight. Don't give up on everyone 'cause everyone ain't bad. Make a goal to be the best the world has ever had. Stand above the ignorance the universe will throw. You're the smartest one of all and let the others know. Time can only tell the truth but does time ever lie? Who will ever understand? Who will ever try? Staring at the darkness with the light behind your back. Will you ever turn around? Or will you fall into the black. Look at everything like it's the last time you will 'cause life ain't slowin' down for you. So live it like time is still. ~If Heaven Had a Phone~If heaven had a phone
I'd call it every day. I'd wake to talk to angels one thousand miles away. If heaven had a phone, I'd call it just for you. And if Heaven had a phone... would you call it for me, too? Perhaps it's just too much to ask but I'd really love to know. What's it really like up there? Is it white like snow? Clouds that float seamlessly are they where you reside? Are there other angles there in which you can confide? If heaven had a phone would you want me to call? Would you ever want me to or would you, not at all..? And if heaven had a phone... what would you say to me? Would you say anything at all? 'cause I love you a lot, you see. It would make my life just don't leave me alone. What do you think would happen if Heaven had a phone? ~Heroes~Have you ever stopped to think of those
that are heroes everyday? Maybe give some recognition of the game they play. We all play the game the game of life. But they play with smarts. Capturing a simple soul can take a million hearts. Write a billion sentences of how they saved your life. But no one sees it past their insecurities and strife. Heroes take no compliments they do what they do no matter. They try to save the families with hearts about to shatter. Have you ever stopped to think of those that are heroes every day? How did they change somebody's life and if they did... what way? ~Commitments & Promises~Thoughts were racing through it all
black and white was all I saw. Street lights shined into the room muting the darkness they'd consumed. Rain falling; the only sound not a single person around. Thinking about what I'd say how would I make it go away? Examined the choices; meeting my fate Shaken up... increased heart rate. There's no turning back; what's done is done oh, how I had prayed for the sun. I needed optimism... a little light but that was ripped from the sky, by night. A promise; a commitment met my mind a little bit longer, and I'd be fine. Stared out the window; made my own light because guess what... I'd fight. Commitments and promises saved a life and many more that night. ~ Fairytale ~"Life is but a fairy tale" She said between her breath
It's more like a roller coaster barreling towards death. You've got the excitement of the climb But disappointment from the fall. It always throws you something new Though, you think you've seen it all. Life's got twists and turns, and many different tricks. Though the ones that get to you are only ones you pick. The irony pulls you down when you think you've had enough Close your eyes, clench your fists and learn to be tough. Fairy tales are people's dreams" she said closing her eyes "Nothing can extinct a memory that never dies." Slipping into darkness, her life is nearly done. Life is but a battle... it isn't easily won. Reminiscing memories for one more time tonight Trying to keep her tired eyes from reflecting all her fright. The time she heard the war began her mother held her close The only thing that gave her reassurance the most. The time she saw the buildings fall on that September day when she knelt to the floor and hoped she was okay. The day she heard her mother died, she cried and cried for weeks Until there were no tears left to soak her rosey cheeks. Now she's here about to lose every memory she's had Hoping that, in Heaven, she wouldn't be so sad. She crawled herself through darkness and went towards the light Life is but a fairy tale that begins this very night. |
| WRITING |