~Unpredictable~
it's tearing me apart.
Now the slightest word that's said
can break my fragile heart.
I've bruised myself far from return
I've never been enough.
The world is pulling me under
and it's getting really tough.
Self-harming's never right
but what about that bruise?
If I tell anyone about it
well, I have a lot to lose.
Memories came rushing back
like a whisper in the wind.
No one can tell how cold it is
until it hits their skin.
I've been judged so many times
it's hard to even think
what helped me to come this far
to the insanity brink.
No one tries to understand
they just throw in some quotes.
I want a genuine response
not inspiration notes.
You blame me when I ask for help
it makes me feel much worse.
If I didn't feel sorry before
now in my heart's a curse.
I mess up in too many ways
losing her was one.
I wish I could go back in time
to undo what's been done.
I see my eyes swollen and red
what am I crying about?
I was happy just a minute ago...
now happiness is out.
She's the one who helps me most
though one other really tries.
I'm sorry for ignoring you
and telling you those lies.
I'm on my knees down on the floor
I really need some help.
Or the sadness disappearing
will soon be skin-deep felt.
You never know what I'm thinking
and I love that you don't.
That you've never felt like this
that's what I'll always hope.
I'm not too interested in myself
as long as you are fine.
Even though your fear and remorse
is never worse than mine.
I hear voices in my head
of those from long ago.
Telling me I'm stupid...
well, you will never know.
It comes to my mind all the time
and you just block it out.
Ignorance is something
that makes me want to shout.
You know I have a lot in life
but feelings are the same.
I can be hurt, I can cry
and I can still be blamed.
I try to be the sweetest
just to know I am.
Even though when I mess up
there's a door I want to slam.
I'm sorry for what I've done to you
it wasn't ever fair.
I'm going through a lot you see...
I'm broken beyond repair.
I haven't slept within a week
my heart is beating slow.
Sometimes all this pain inside
doesn't seem to go.
Happiness is faker than
a plastic mannequin.
I pull on the ropes oh so hard
but never really win.
The anger expressed hurts a few
and that's what's killing me.
That I have hurt so many people
with my insecurities.
We learn to laugh but not so much
because it hurts us too.
It's hard to smile all the time
when the breath's knocked out of you.
There's people in this world
who lie to compliment.
It makes you analyze, recognize
everyone that's went.
There's pictures from a previous life
that I don't want to know.
They're taunting me from time to time
but I don't like to show.
I've heard 'I love you' way too much
now I'm scared of it.
I hear it everywhere I turn
I wan't it to quit.
The nervousness is overwhelming
I want to know what's real.
Do you think I'm crazy?
What do you really feel?
I'm scared of what you think of me
because it's negative.
These thoughts within my mind
make it a little harder to live.
I wanna know that I am good
no, I want to be great.
However, that won't happen
this feeling I can't escape.
Every word's a memory
that I want to erase.
Why even dream of anything
that I can't even chase.
So I'll just sit here in my pain
and live in constant fear.
I'll never get into a car
that I can't simply steer.
So hold me tight when I'm fine
so I know when that is.
Once I get into the thoughts
life's a confusing quiz.
I wanna know
why life likes to push and to pull.
Why the world is life so...
Unpredictable.